Beastly

Daniel Barnz

The story: High-school kid Kyle (Alex Pettyfer) is rich, good-looking and arrogant. When he humiliates fellow student Kendra (Mary-Kate Olsen), she casts a spell that makes him look as ugly on the outside as he is inside. His only hope for the curse to be lifted is for Lindy (Vanessa Hudgens) to see beyond the surface and fall in love with him. A modern-day retelling of the fairy tale Beauty And The Beast based on Alex Flinn’s 2007 novel.

Just because it is a teen-flick makeover does not mean it has to suck. Clueless (1995) was a clued-in update of Jane Austen’s Emma, while 10 Things I Hate About You (1999) was a smart and sassy take on Shakespeare’s The Taming Of The Shrew.

Beastly, however, is a heavy-handed and clunky affair weighed down by leaden lines and a lame story.

The film has one central message of looking beyond appearances – and it hammers that home repeatedly. Because it does not have very much to say, it relies heavily on a soundtrack packed with indie bands such as The Vines and Death Cab For Cutie to pad up scenes.

Writer-director Daniel Barnz seems to have no idea how teenagers actually speak and gives us howlers along the lines of “I guess this cage set me free”.

The plot mechanics are laboured as well. The way Lindy ends up in the same apartment as Kyle because of an accidental shooting simply makes no sense.

Playing the underwritten role of Lindy, Hudgens, from the High School Musical series, is sweet but bland.

The touted Next Big Thing Pettyfer comes off worse. This is strike No.2 for him after the critical lambasting and mediocre box-office performance of sci-fi drama I Am Number Four (2011).

Stuck in the sidekick roles are Lisa Gay Hamilton (from TV’s Men Of A Certain Age) as the kindly and wise housekeeper Zola from Jamaica and Neil Patrick Harris (TV’s How I Met Your Mother) as the blind wisecracking tutor Will. They deserve better.

Early on in the film, Kyle thunders: “Embrace the suck.” Erm, no thanks, I’ll pass.

(ST)