Disgraced film-maker Jack Neo has defiantly said that he might consider making a film based on the scintillating events of recent weeks. His previous movies include the comedy Money No Enough 2 (2008) and the body-swapping fantasy Just Follow Law (2007).

The story so far:

Model Wendy Chong dropped the first bombshell about Neo when she revealed that they had a two-year affair. The 22-year-old helpfully provided colourful details of what, where, when, and how, though the why remains elusive.

Then actress-singer Foyce Le Xuan, 29, and French student Maelle Meurzec, 21, came forward and accused Neo of hitting on them.

Later, unsubstantiated reports linked the director to at least 10 other women.

Dramatic highpoint:

Neo, 50, appeared with his wife Madam Irene Kng at a press conference on March 11. It created more controversy when his wife collapsed and he did not apologise.

Given the abundant material, LifeStyle humbly proposes some suggestions on the different directions a big-screen outing might take.

HONEY NO ENOUGH

Comedy

Hong Kong’s Raymond Wong hams it up as a womanising director who is rejected by an unending stream of actresses with names such as Foxie and Saucie.

He finally finds happiness in a family sedan with model Wendie (brash comedienne Patricia Mok) after promising to enter into a three-month relationship with her.

The film ends with a dose of morality when the philanderer is found out but gets a second chance when his wife forgives him. There is a preachy message about wayward husbands and sacrificial wives and everything ends happily.

Except that the film is an unmitigated flop.

Soundtrack: MC Hammer’s U Can’t Touch This splicing in Zou-zou-zou-zoukai! (Go go go go away!) from the press conference.

Sponsor: Tinted windows and curtains for cars

HURT LOCKER

Drama

Spurned mistress Wendie (former MediaCorp actress Fiona Xie) and sexually harassed actress Foycee (freelance actress Lynn Poh) deal with the pain and fallout of the entire affair.

A tense highlight is the showdown between Wendie and director Jackie and his family where everyone, and everything, blows up.

Soundtrack: Wendie’s anthem is a mash-up of You Don’t Bring Me Flowers and All By Myself.

Sponsor: Smudge-proof mascara

I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE

B-grade exploitation

Hell hath no fury like a woman who has been sexually harassed. Foycee, Foxie and Saucie takes things into their own hands and hunt down the lecherous boss who laid his grubby fingers on them.

Soundtrack: Mariah Carey’s Touch My Body with the line “I will hunt you down” played up in the remix.

Sponsor: Anti-spitting campaign

BEING WOMAN

Fantasy

A gender-swapping gambol in which Jackie (Gurmit Singh), the most lascivious boss in Singapore, JB and some say Batam, switches bodies with aspiring actress Wendi (Fann Wong).

This is a breakout role for Fann who gets to play both sexual harassment victim and then a crass boor who hits on other women when Jackie is in Wendi’s body.

Soundtrack: Man! I Feel Like A Woman

Sponsor: Calling cards with low roaming rates

I NOT STUPID LEH

Arthouse

A beleaguered film director (Jack Neo) hits upon the perfect publicity plan for his new film. He pretends to get embroiled in a sex scandal but soon loses control of how the story is being played up.

Worse, he discovers that he has a doppelganger who has been having tawdry affairs in cheap hotels by impersonating him.

At the end, he wakes up and realises that it was all a bad dream. Then he reaches for a copy of the newspaper and sees his face on the front page.

Soundtrack: The Great Pretender, Man In The Mirror

Sponsor: Tonics to improve brain power and bed mattresses guaranteed to provide restful sleep.

(ST)